Archive-name: lemur-faq/part1
Alt-fan-lemurs-archive-name: lemur-faq/part1
Last-modified: 1994/08/02
Version: 4.0

           Alt.fan.lemurs Frinkquently Asked Questions

This is the famous alt.fan.lemurs newsgroup, the newsgroup that
celebrates the legend, lore, and humor of Madagascar's most famous
animals. Lemur discussion began in 1991 on a small local campus
conferencing system at Virginia Tech, spread to a few USENET news-
groups, and acquired its own newsgroup in Fall 1992.  

Sections of the FAQ include:
Part 1 of 7 -- Lemur Humor Part One
Part 2 of 7 -- Lemur Humor Part Two
Part 3 of 7 -- Lemur Humor Part Three
Part 4 of 7 -- Lemurs Versus Cows
Part 5 of 7 -- Lemurs and the USENET Oracle
Part 6 of 7 -- Duke University Primate Center
Part 7 of 7 -- Real Lemur Facts 

The old Lemur Poetry section of the FAQ is being redeveloped as an archive 
and will be posted at a later date.

    Official USENET Alt.Fan.Lemurs Frinkquently Asked Questions
               Part 1 of 7  -- Lemur Humor Part One


------------------------------

                            The Questions

(1) Um, this newsgroup seems to have a somewhat unusual view of
Lemurs.  According to you, what IS a Lemur?
(2) What kinds of sounds do Lemurs make?
(3) Are Lemur eyes really all that big?
(4) What do Lemurs do when the weather turns cold?
(5) What do Lemurs like to eat?
(6) Who is Nigel the Lemur?
(7) Who is Rudolpho the Christmas Lemur?
(8) Who are the other Lemurs?
(9) What's this I hear about a song called "Shock the Lemur?"
(10) What is "Lemur-B-Gon"?
(11) Does Lemur-B-Gon _work_?
(12) What do I do if I'm out driving and I come to a roadblock
where Lemurs are shaking people down for money and Chex Mix?
(13) Can you get Lemurs at governmental surplus property auctions?
(14) What is the "Lemurcon equation"?
(15) What should I do if I meet a Lemur?
(16) Were there Lemurs in Star Trek (tm)?
(17) Is it unusual to dream about Lemurs?
(18) How do Lemurs get into the USA?
(19) Are Lemurs controlling the minds of alt.folklore.urban
readers, forcing them to insert the word "Lemur" into the keywords
lines of their posts?
(20) How can you keep your local Lemurs entertained?
(21) Have Lemurs appeared in any court cases?
(22) How do monkeys compare with Lemurs?
(23) Can Lemurs in zoos escape?
(24) What do Lemurs in zoos like to eat?
(25) If you feed the Lemurs, what's likely to happen?
(26) Why did Chris Thompson get committed to a mental hospital?
(27) Is it wise to publicly express a fondness for Lemurs over the
Internet?
(28) What's that "Joey the Lemur, Friend of Mankind" song they did
on Mystery Science Theatre 3000?


Lemur Humor is continued in Part 2 of the FAQ, "Part 2 of 6 -- Lemur
Humor Part Two".

---------------

                             The Answers

(1) Um, this newsgroup seems to have a somewhat unusual view of
Lemurs.  According to you, what IS a Lemur?

      L-E-M-U-R (le-mer) noun  Lemur: a small mammal with
      large eyes, a foxlike face, and wooly fur, found
      mainly in Madagascar, Virginia Tech, and in the
      Twinkie aisle of your local 7-11. There are different
      kinds of Lemurs, some resembling monkeys, some resem-
      bling mice and squirrels, and some resembling politi-
      cians.  They live in trees and some are active mainly
      at night.  Others prefer to ride the rides at local
      theme parks. They are probably similar to an ancestor
      of the primates, meaning even Lemurs have a little bit
      of Elvis in them. <New Latin (?!?) LemurES, plural
      <Latin Lemures (with a - over the last E) specters,
      ghosts (because of their appearances and nocturnal
      habits)

This definition written by Barbara Poff.

-----------

(2) What kinds of sounds do Lemurs make?

Words known to be found in the Lemur lexicon include "ptang,"
"frink," "cheep," and "whooooooo".  The meaning of these words is
said to vary based on the motion of the eyes at the time a given
phrase is said.
Further information is reported by G. Shapiro:

      "Let me summarize the current understanding of Lemur lin-
      guistics, as reported in the Journal of Irreproducible
      Results.

      frink (adj) - very appealing, sexually

      frink (noun) - a National Geographic photographer.

      [NOTE: The dual usage of frink stems from a confusion in
      Lemur society. The primary determinant of sexual appeal in
      Lemurs is size of the eyes. Lemurs confused the telephoto
      lenses of NG photographers as huge, and hence very appeal-
      ing, eyes.]

      ptang (verb) - to have sex with another species. Has a
      positive connotation when the other species is also primate.
      More akin to the English 'bestiality' when the other species
      is non-primate.

      cheep, cheep, cheep (noun) - particularly satisfactory
      sexual experience.

      So let us use this knowledge to translate the following
      Lemur dialogue:

      1st Lemur: PTANG FRINK FRINK
      2nd Lemur: cheep, cheep, cheep.

      Translation:

      1st Lemur: I heard you had sex with that hot-looking NG
      photographer.
      2nd Lemur: Yes. It was great.

Shapiro's report cannot be accepted as absolute fact as Lemurs
have been known to use "ptang" and "frink" for many other situa-
tions besides those involving sex.  Hence the theory that eye
motions play a large role in determining what a Lemur means at any
given time.  This theory is as follows:

      The verbal component of a Lemur lexicon that requires somat-
      ic components to determine the actual meaning.  In other
      words, the meaning of "frink" varies depending on the eye
      motions of the lemur in question.  Rolling your eyes while
      saying "frink" means one thing, while winking the right eye
      slowly while saying "frink" means something else entirely,
      and so forth.  "Frink" seems to be used for many purposes:
      as a greeting, as an exclamation of excitement, as a means
      of expressing curiousity, and so forth.  Only Lemurs know
      what "frink" means for sure, and they aren't telling.


-----------

(3) Are Lemur eyes really all that big?

Yes.  Lemurs come equipped with large, almost shining eyes which
are legendary for reflecting the light of campfires back at people
gathered in clearings with curious Lemurs in the nearby trees.
Lemurs are said to have "googly" eyes which are used in communica-
tion -- e.g. winking, rolling, staring, etc. in addition to spoken
words.  When a Lemur is around a good-looking Lemur of the oppo-
site sex, you can generally tell that the first Lemur finds the
second one attractive as the first Lemur will "get all googly and
stuff" (in the words of Chris Karluk).

-----------

(4) What do Lemurs do when the weather turns cold?

Word has it that Lemurs travel via subways and steam tunnels when
the weather turns cold, "moving in" with friendly humans, thereby
assured of a warm dwelling place and lots of Big K grape soda for
the duration of the winter.

Apparently the humans they move in with are persuaded to share
their living quarters with some Lemurs if the Lemurs let their
"hosts"  use their blaster pistols now and then.  "Negotiations"
with the invading Lemurs can be interesting, as this exchange of
messages in a recent case shows:

      *  The humans said that the Lemurs could come by if they
         promised not to annoy the neighbors, play the stereo too
         loud, hog the computers and modem, use laserdisks as
         frisbees, or swing from the kitchen light.

      *  The Lemurs countered by asking if they could jump up and
         down on the bed.  Their representative said that he 
         couldn't guarantee all the above, but that they MUST be
         allowed to jump on the bed, or else they would come over
         anyway and do anything they want.  Furthermore, swinging
         from the kitchen light is something that all Lemurs
         instinctively love doing.   Would the humans object if they
         brought their own kitchen lights to attach to the kitchen
         ceiling?

      *  Sighing, the humans assented provided that the Lemurs
         either promise to repaint the kitchen walls afterwards or
         wear flip-flops.

      *  The Lemurs agreed and moved in.

-----------

(5) What do Lemurs like to eat?

Legend has it that Lemurs love junk food.  Specifically Hostess
Twinkies, but also such things as generic snack cakes, cookies,
deviled eggs, pigs-in-a-blanket, squirt cheese on crackers, etc.
In other words, your average Lemur would be very content raiding
the hors d'oeuvres line at a cheap wedding reception.  Rumor has
it that Lemurs occasionally fall victim to strange cravings, such
as chocolate cakes with cherry pie filling and whipped cream on
top... and sauerkraut!  Sauerkraut on everything!!!  Let's not
explore this subject any further.

Lemurs like to eat.  This they do well: it's not uncommon for a
Lemur to devour the entire contents of a candy machine in under
ten hours.  (Lemurs often can squirm inside the machine via the
slots at the bottom, eat their fill, and then have trouble getting
back out.  vending machine repairmen often find engorged Lemurs
sitting in a pile of Mounds bar wrappers looking woeful.  The
Lemurs are usually deported back to the Duke University primate
home.)  Lemurs are nothing if not pragmatic.  A vending machine
full of Mars bars down the hall from the office they've taken over
is greatly preferred to one a few buildings away that contains
Twinkies.  Besides, those machines are usually long since cleaned
out by those few Lemurs who do forage afar.

-----------

(6) Who is Nigel the Lemur?

Nigel the Lemur is the only lemur known to have internet access. Nigel's
email address is nlemur@cs.csee.usf.edu.  Nigel was first heard of
escaping from the Duke University Primate Center in Durham, North
Carolina.  He made his way north to Blacksburg, Virginia and presently
makes his home there, freeloading off various humans and making periodic
appearances on alt.folklore.urban.

-----------

(7) Who is Rudolpho the Christmas Lemur?

Rudolpho the Christmas Lemur is said to have stowed away on Santa's
sleigh during a stopover in Madagascar one Christmas. Upon finding the
hapless Lemur shivering in the back of the sleigh after returning to the
North Pole, Santa named him "Rudolpho" and adopted him into the North
Pole community.  Rudolpho aided Santa for a few Christmases, sneaking
into houses and opening the chimney flues when required so Santa could
get in.  Eventually, though, Rudolpho yielded to a kleptomaniac urge and
began stealing silverware... and jugs of Big K Grape Soda.  Santa
reluctantly discharged him on the spot, but Rudolpho has continued his
irregular service nonetheless, breaking into houses and stealing the Big
K Grape Soda and opening any chimney flues that need to be opened. If he
should happen to be discovered, he flees by shaking up a bottle of Big K
Grape Soda, opening it, and jetting off over the horizon.  (If he gets
thirsty in mid-flight he pulls a loop, fills a cup, and continues
onwards.)

-----------

(8) Who are the other Lemurs?

In addition to Nigel and Rudolpho, various Lemurs have popped up
in the Lemur legends and lore: J. Arthur Lemur, the Lawyer Lemur;
Eddie the Lemur, who serves aboard a giant starship crewed mainly
by rodents; and of course the various hordes of Lemurs who pop up
here and there when least expected.  Rocky the Lemur is said to live
with Greg Morrow, and rumor has it that Sean Barrett is actually a lemur
who lives with Sue Miller because she rubs his belly now and then.  Who
knows?  Next time you're sending email, THINK!  That person on the other
side of the Internet connection might be a lemur too!

-----------

(9) What's this I hear about a song called "Shock the Lemur?"

We have it on good authority that Peter Gabriel's smash hit "Shock
the Monkey" was originally titled "Shock the Lemur," but the
Lemurs that were going to be used in the video escaped and robbed
a local convenience store, making off with all of the Twinkies
(tm) and Yoo-Hoo (tm) and wounding the clerk with a Nutty Buddy
(tm).  They were last seen heading toward Las Vegas, presumably
drawn there by the sound of Wayne Newton's voice. Gabriel was
forced to acquire the more well-tempered monkeys instead, and the
rest is history.

-----------

(10) What is "Lemur-B-Gon"?

(paid advertisement for Lemur-B-Gon follows)

BEFORE: Vance Kochenderfer says: I'm getting C's where I should be
getting B's or better..  I'm just sick of school in general. Of
course, the Lemurs banging on my window keep me awake at night, so
I'm not as alert as I should be...

AFTER CALLING Lemur-B-GON: Ever since I called Lemur-B-Gon, I have
had no problems with Lemur infestations.  Now they just bang on
the window and whine and try to get in, but they'll never get in.
Never.  Even if they are armed with dynamite and blasting caps.
Lemur-B-Gon has LemurPROOFED (tm) my home.

Lemurs bugging you?  Call Lemur-B-Gon at 1-800-LMR-B-GON.  Guaran-
teed to work or your Twinkies back!

-----------

(11) Does Lemur-B-Gon _work_?

From what we hear, they do good work.  Vance Kochenderfer had to
call Lemur-B-Gon when a bunch of the Lemurs were keeping him awake
at night beating on his windows trying to get him to let them in.
He knew better than to do that, as they would just have come
inside and made even more noise playing with the kitchen applianc-
es and asking him for his credit card number and expiration date
so they could order cubic zirconium jewelry off QVC and the Home
Shopping Network.  Fortunately, Lemur-B-Gon came quickly and took
care of the situation by bribing the Lemurs into the back of a
closed van with some Ben 'n' Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream (it's
banana ice cream with chocolate chunks).  The Lemurs were then
taken over to the local university library and released into the
photocopier area where they busied themselves making photocopies
of their body parts.

-----------

(12) What do I do if I'm out driving and I come to a roadblock
where Lemurs are shaking people down for money and Chex Mix?

Stay calm, give them what they want, and then go prepare defenses
for the next time. Keith Williams claims that Lemurs are deathly
afraid of empty Burger King bags.  In his words, "it's the '100%
Recycled' content of the paper.  Drives them nuts."  Thus, college
students who eat fast food a lot are probably safe from this kind of
thing happening.  If you encounted a Lemur roadblock, it'd probably
be a good idea to go get some empty Burger King bags and leave them
lying around on the floor of your car.

-----------

(13) Can you get Lemurs at governmental surplus property auctions?

At times, the question has come up as to whether you can purchase
used Lemurs at governmental surplus property auctions:  "Have they
been auctioning off Lemurs, too?!?  How much do they go for?!?
Are they nice, new Lemurs or old, used, worn-out Lemurs? And do
they also sell Lemur accessories?"  And so forth.

The best answer we have is this:  Yes, you can occasionally get
Lemurs at surplus auctions.  Mostly they're the Lemurs that
governments bought expecting that the new governmental Lemur
specifications would be written in such-and-so a way and when it
turned out that the first thing new governments do after reaching
office was to toss out the Lemur specifications that had been left
for implementation by the outgoing administrations.  Thus, govern-
ments are left with a bunch of Lemurs that had been bought under
the old Lemur specifications.  It's kinda like investing in a lot
of TRS-80's ten years ago on the expectation that TRS-80's would
be the standard.  There are a lot of high schools sitting around
with TRS-80's even as we speak.  So yes, many governments do have
all these Lemurs that, while completely serviceable, are nowhere
close to meeting official State specs and thus, they're going for
a song.  All the accessories and support materials, too.  Quite
often, the Lemurs have never even been unpacked; they've been
sitting in a warehouse getting fed three times a day for the last
three years until a government gets around to selling them.

-----------

(14) What is the "Lemurcon equation"?

D. Harmon writes:

You may have heard of a type of graph called a limacon, which is a
graphed from the function r=a+b*cosh or r=a+b*sinh.  What you
probably haven't heard of is another similar type of function
called a Lemurcon.  This function is the equation l=e(mu*r),
where l is the length of the radius, r is a constant which has
several different values for each value of mu, and mu is the
independent variable.

For example, the graph of one type of Lemurcon equation would look
like this:

                                  l

                                  |
                                  |
                                  |
                        * *       |       * *
                       *   * * * *|* * * *    *
                        *         |         *
                       *          |          *
                       *     *    |    *     *
                   - - -*- - - - - - - - - -*- - - -  mu
                         *        |        *
                           *     *|*     *
                             *    |    *
                               * *|* *
                                * * *
                                  |
                                  |
                                  |

Since the discovery of Lemurcon equation is fairly recent, there
is an opportunity to immortalize your name in history by discover-
ing other graphs of the Lemurcon equation.  :)

-----------

(15) What should I do if I meet a Lemur?

Mike Kohlhaa asks,
      On the off chance that I should see a Lemur here in
      Indiana, how should the Lemur be approached?  If I
      offer him food and beer will he be friendly?  Should I
      call the zoo?  Might he join me in a game of
      hacky-sack?  I guess I'm just wondering what type of
      temperament Lemurs have.  Are they laid-back and
      fun-loving, or are they always on edge?

Vance Kochenderfer replies,

      You should be okay if you offer him a Twinkie [tm].
      Whatever you do, DO NOT say "frink" because you'll
      probably get the inflection wrong, and anger the
      Lemur.  In general, though, I think Lemurs avoid
      Indiana as much as possible.  They have an incredible
      fear of dumb ex-Vice Presidents.

Joel Furr chimes in,

      The Lemur may surprise you by approaching _you_ before
      you can approach _it_.  Chances of this happening are
      greatly increased should you be carrying one of the
      following with you:
            1) Twinkies
            2) Big K Grape Soda
            3) Pictures of attractive Lemurs of the opposite
            sex
            4) A ceiling light... especially the kind that
            hangs by a chain.

      Lemurs should NOT be given beer.  Lemurs are generally mean
      drunks.  They're much friendlier when they're on a sugar
      high.

Encountering a Lemur is an unusual, but by no means risky happen-
stance.  With a little luck, a Lemur encountered in a park will
likely become a close friend and will stick with you through thick
and thin, or at least as long as the Twinkies hold out.

-----------

(16) Were there Lemurs in Star Trek (tm)?

Yes. As it happens, the T in James T. Kirk stands for "Tanan-
arivo," the capital of Madagascar.  Madagascar is home, of course,
to 99% of the world supply of Lemurs, and as we all know, Gene
Roddenberry was a huge Lemur fan.  However, the producers wouldn't
let him incorporate Lemurs into the cast because they were afraid
that the clever, cunning little primates would somehow find a way
to make the phasers, tricorders, and photon torpedoes actually
*work*.  Plus, in shooting of the pilot, "The Cafe," you can see
Lemurs swinging by overhead on the restaurant lights during the
scene in which Pike gets the Talosians to pick up the check.  This
was not a situation which Desilu wanted to see happen again so all
Lemurs were banned from future shootings of the show.

This was mentioned in Roddenberry's re-release of the reconstruct-
ed pilot.  (From the black-and-white footage + what they used on
the TOS two-parter).  As Roddenberry climbs into the transporter
room at the end of the video, he says "For us, no Lemurs".  Most
people just ASSUME that he's saying "For us, no LIMITS".  (And we
ALL know that when you assume you make an ASS out of U and ME.)
So this PROVES the Lemur theory which, from now on will be abbre-
viated TLT (The Lemur Theory) or maybe TLP (The Lemur Proof) or
maybe even TLL (The Lemur Law) or just TLTTLPTLL for short).

-----------

(17) Is it unusual to dream about Lemurs?

Henry Sanford Gibbons writes:

      I had a strange dream the other night, in which my
      girlfriend and I were in the middle of the Mojave
      Desert surrounded by giant man-eating Lemurs.  I
      thought it quite remarkable at the time, so I was
      wondering if net-land had any comments about this
      rather disconcerting image.

Vance Kochenderfer replies,

      I had the strangest dream last night.  I dreamed I was
      transformed into a giant man-eating Lemur, and I was
      out in the Mojave Desert, and there were these two
      people there, a man and a woman, whom I did not know.
      And then I ate them.

Draw your own conclusions.

-----------

(18) How do Lemurs get into the USA?

Vance Kochenderfer and Joel Furr run blackmarket Lemurs through
the Port of New York three times yearly.  In Joel Furr's words,
"we disguise them as Hungarian piccolo players and put dark shades
on them and we usually don't get caught."  Furr adds, "but then
there was that time the customs people had that big box of
Twinkies sitting next to the gate..."

-----------

(19) Are Lemurs controlling the minds of alt.folklore.urban
readers, forcing them to insert the word "Lemur" into the keywords
lines of their posts?

Yes.

-----------

(20) How can you keep your local Lemurs entertained?

Here's a suggestion from Dave Budd:

      Go to your nearest zoo.  Stand in front of the Lemurs.
      Juggle.  They will be fascinated by this action, but
      it's a waste of time trying to teach them how to do
      it.  The big cats quite like it as well, but they're
      not so impressed when you drop.

-----------

(21) Have Lemurs appeared in any court cases?

Just one that we've found so far:

      In United States v Buettner-Janusch (1980, SD NY) 500
      F Supp 1285, affd on other grounds (CA2 NY) 646 F2d
      759, cert den 454 US 830, 70 L Ed 2d 107, 102 S Ct
      126--a prosecution for possession of methaqualone with
      intent to distribute in violation of 21 USCS @
      841(a)(1), based on six plastic jars containing meth-
      aqualone in various stages of purification, which were
      seized from the defendant's laboratory during a gov-
      ernment search--the court held the evidence more than
      sufficient to sustain the guilty verdict and denied
      the defendant's motion for judgment of acquittal or a
      new trial.  The court noted that the defendant and his
      co-conspirators, who allegedly were involved in  Lemur
      research, had purchased enough raw material to make
      sufficient methaqualone to drug all the  Lemurs in the
      United States and keep them in a perpetual state of
      euphoria...

-----------

(22) How do monkeys compare with Lemurs?

A quote from Rev. John (C521832@MIZZOU1.missouri.edu):

      Lemurs! I used to be a volunteer at the zoo in Mem-
      phis. They had an island there (well, a small hillock
      surrounded by water) on which a number of monkeys were
      kept -- hence, Monkey Island.  The monkeys had a
      tendency to escape, however; at one point numerous
      ones did so and fled the zoo. Most were caught climb-
      ing up the side of a tall apartment complex across the
      street.  After this, the zoo replaced the monkeys with
      Lemurs, who were much less inclined to escape.  As a
      volunteer, I and my co-workers spent many lunch breaks
      watching the Lemurs running about the little island in
      their trademark loping gait.  We coined a simple verb
      to describe their action : "leeming", or "to leem,"
      which is to run about like a Lemur.

-----------

(23) Can Lemurs in zoos escape?

The answer comes from S. Mudgett:

      The last time I went to the zoo, all we did to the
      Lemurs was give them apple chunks.  the baby Lemurs
      were small enough to leave the cages by squeezing
      between the bars, and came out to visit. A zookeeper
      told us they didn't have any cages that a baby Lemur
      couldn't get out of.

Further data comes from Torsten Wesley Adair:

      When the Lied (Indoor) Jungle opened at the Henry
      Dorley Zoo last April, the Lemurs discovered a way to
      exit the "jungle" and sit outside on the roof.  This
      was corrected, but they still have the run of the
      place, I believe.  I have never been approached by
      one, but I have been introduced to an Iguana.

-----------

(24) What do Lemurs in zoos like to eat?

Another quote from Rev. John (C521832@MIZZOU1.missouri.edu):

      We never fed the Lemurs twinkies, or threw them food
      for that matter. As I recall they ate Purina Monkey
      Chow or some such ... plus some fruits I think that
      the keepers gave them.  At other parts of the zoo we
      sold carrots and stuff for llamas, bears, and other
      such critters. But not for Lemurs. For all I know they
      would have happily gnawed on Burl Ives records.

-----------

(25) If you feed the Lemurs, what's likely to happen?

Siobhan Harper explains:

      I begged them not to tell the keeper, and they agreed,
      as long as I kept bringing them fruit. Then it esca-
      lated -- they began demanding cigarettes, jewelry,
      expensive electronics, and 18-year-old Scotch. They
      threatened to expose me to the primate keeper when I
      couldn't afford their demands anymore, and that's when
      I changed my name, moved to Seattle, and took a job at
      Microsoft. Somehow, they found out my phone number,
      though, and every once in a while, I get a call late
      in the night. My heart leaps into my throat when I
      hear that soft "Whooo, whooo" on the other end, know-
      ing it's only a matter of time until they catch up
      with me.


---------------

(26) Why did Chris Thompson get committed to a mental hospital?

Quoth Chris Thompson (ak051@yfn.ysu.edu): 

>I was at the zoo one day, standing looking at the lemur cage. The
>lemurs were going wild jumping around and frinking loudly. I
>noticed one of the lemurs (He looked to be a lemur leader) had
>Mr. Underhill's American express card and was trying to jimmy the
>lock to the cage. I was unsure of their problem. It was then that
>I noticed they were being fed big bowls of dry crusty Lemur Chow,
>and this little kid was standing next to me EATING A TWINKIE!!!
>
>I immediately slapped the twinke to the ground, picked it up and
>tossed it into the cage. I turned to the kid and yelled "MY GOD
>MAN! WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING!?! ONE OF THEM HAS A
>CREDIT CARD!!" then, to the lemurs "I'll BE RIGHT BACK WITH SOME
>BIG-K!!"
>
>After the cops released me from psychiatric lockup, I did go back
>and slide a couple of two liters of Big K Grape and a case of
>twinkies under the cage.
>
>The Lemur Leader saw me and came over. I looked at him and said
>"Frink."  Somehow I got the intonation right because he looked at
>me and nodded sagely and said "Ptang."



-----------

(27) Is it wise to publicly express a fondness for Lemurs over the
Internet?

After Joel Furr said "I'd like to hug a Lemur," Robert O'Brien
spoke up:

      Careful!  The ones that sometimes hang around my patio
      and read the screen thru the window and over my shoul-
      der were here again tonight, and after your message
      scrolled by I heard them making chattering type noises
      for a while, then they all took off toward the phone
      lines - they *may* know how to track down your ad-
      dress.

(28) What's that "Joey the Lemur, Friend of Mankind" song they did
on Mystery Science Theatre 3000?
                          JOEY THE LEMUR

Tom Servo:        It's Joey the Lemur, the friend to Mankind, our
                  furry sort of monkey friend who really does
                  shine

Joel:             It's Joey the Lemur, he's really fun to have
                  around to huggle and to talk to and fun fun fun
                  [note: Joel appears to be whacked out on goof-
                  balls, we couldn't get a better translation than
                  this.]

Crow:             Joey the Lemur, he'll run everywhere, Joey the
                  Lemur, what kind of heck of animal is he any-
                  way?!  Uh... Joey the Lemur, the kind of animal
                  that would go to the bathroom anywhere.

Joel:             Wait a minute, hold it!

Crow:             Huh?  There's more!

Joel:             This is the Lemur.  Native to the Philippines
                  and Madagascar, uh... and fictional planets like
                  Nova.  He is a clean, gregarious, and good pet.

Joey the Lemur:   You said it, pal!  Oh boy, pal of mine, you're
                  the one for me!

Tom Servo:        Uh oh, Joel's swinging into his puppet routine!

Joey the Lemur:   Can it, fireplug!  I've had enough out of you!

Tom Servo:        Joey the Lemur, he'll say what he thinks!

Joey the Lemur:   I've got a story to tell! Oh boy, will I ever,
                  I'll carry on like a Gilbert Gottfried of the
                  animal world, I don't mind telling you.  You
                  know, I'm the clown prince of the primate world
                  who's often mistaken for our friend the chimpan-
                  zee.  But don't make any mistake, I'm not saying
                  anything wrong about our chimpanzee brethren,
                  only that I wish.... here's wishing they'd throw
                  a little more work our way, alright?

Crow:             Lemur, the Lemur, L-E-M-U-R.

Joey the Lemur:   Hey, who's this bird-dog-thing, I don't like
                  him!

Tom Servo:        L is for Lemur!

Joey the Lemur:   L is for Lemur, 'nuff said!

Crow:             E is for EAT!
Joey the Lemur:   E is for eat.  I eat four times my own weight in
                  nuts and berries, which has its consequences,
                  but go figure!

Crow:             M is for MONKEY!

Joey the Lemur:   Monkey.  I'm often mistaken for a monkey.  It
                  goes with the turf, let's go!

Tom Servo:        U is for UNUSUAL!

Crow:             And UNPREDICTABLE!

Joey the Lemur:   Unpredictable is right!  I once took a whiz on
                  Johnny Carson's sportcoat-- I don't panel well.
                  Okay, on with the show!

Tom Servo:        R is for RADICAL!

Crow:             And RAMBUNCTIOUS!

Joey the Lemur:   Randy as a jackrabbit, that's me alright!
                  Whoooooo!

Tom Servo:        Yes, it's the splendiferous Lemur....

Crow:             ...friend to all Mankind!

Joey the Lemur:   Please consider me as a possible corporate sym-
                  bol or mascot suitable and fine for any profes-
                  sional or semi-professional sport team.

Crow & Tom Servo: It's the

Crow:             magnificent
Tom Servo:        splendiferous

Crow & Tom Servo: LEEEMURRR!!

Joey the Lemur:   I, the Lemur, beg you to consider me.  I am
                  willing to travel and would make an excellent
                  companion for any elderly or unelderly elderly
                  person.  Gentlemen, please consider me.  Thank
                  you.  Thank you, thank you.

---------------

Lemur Humor is continued in Part 2 of the FAQ, "Part 2 of 7 -- Lemur
Humor Part Two".

  ------------------------------------------------------------------
  Prepared January 31, 1993 by Joel Furr, jfurr@polaris.async.vt.edu
  Revised February 15, 1993 by Joel Furr, jfurr@polaris.async.vt.edu
    Revised April 5, 1993 by Joel Furr, jfurr@polaris.async.vt.edu
     Revised July 6, 1993 by Joel Furr, jfurr@polaris.async.vt.edu
       Revised August 2, 1994 by Joel Furr, jfurr@acpub.duke.edu